Frustration

I have some frustrations against my father. The whole thing about father knows best is just wrong. As in the Jonathan Edwards song "Sunshine" he say "But he can't even run his own life, I'll be damned if he'll run mine". When i hear these lyric I can't help but to think of my father. He is tring to talk me out of moving to oregon and to move to cali. What he doesnt understand I have no desire to go back to cali. Nothing will change that. I want to be in a smaller town, A change in life and direction I am heading down. See this all stems from growing up, he wasnt always around and I always got told, be more like you brother. I got better grades then him, did better on the sat's & act's. But it never seemed good enough. I Had no desire to play football but I did, all i really wanted to do was to play music. When i got a guitar in the forth grade, I was happy but my brother and this kids from frane broke it, when I went t tell him, he said too bad and didnt even bat an eye at them. When I tring playing the cello in the 5th grade, all he & my step sister said, I stunk and stop playing it. No support what so ever. Things like this scare children. I caught my father watching pron, smoking pot & all of his drinking. I liked wantchng horror/scifi movies. I was watching Alien and was told by my father he would rather me watching a good f*`k film then that crap. Why would you tell a child that? So I started to rebel in any way I could. Pushing that side of the family away, if I couldnt get good attention, I would get bad. I tried running away in the 6th grade but didnt get very far. Was told I was going to hell cause I like repties and they had forked tongues by my grandma. I listen to devils music. And people wonder why Im athest now. Where was I ? On yeah, My father is always looking for the big payoff and unable to have a real job, he lives basically paycheck to paycheck tring to live higher then he can afford. I can't be that way. Which is one reason I don't get drunk any more. I am tired of listeing to do as I say not as I do. I will got a place in oregon to get a piece of mind. With less peolpe, mountains & the ocean. More places to explore and be cloe to my neices & nephews. Since I wont have any kids of my own, I will have them.