Frustration

I have some frustrations against my father. The whole thing about father knows best is just wrong. As in the Jonathan Edwards song "Sunshine" he say "But he can't even run his own life, I'll be damned if he'll run mine". When i hear these lyric I can't help but to think of my father. He is tring to talk me out of moving to oregon and to move to cali. What he doesnt understand I have no desire to go back to cali. Nothing will change that. I want to be in a smaller town, A change in life and direction I am heading down. See this all stems from growing up, he wasnt always around and I always got told, be more like you brother. I got better grades then him, did better on the sat's & act's. But it never seemed good enough. I Had no desire to play football but I did, all i really wanted to do was to play music. When i got a guitar in the forth grade, I was happy but my brother and this kids from frane broke it, when I went t tell him, he said too bad and didnt even bat an eye at them. When I tring playing the cello in the 5th grade, all he & my step sister said, I stunk and stop playing it. No support what so ever. Things like this scare children. I caught my father watching pron, smoking pot & all of his drinking. I liked wantchng horror/scifi movies. I was watching Alien and was told by my father he would rather me watching a good f*`k film then that crap. Why would you tell a child that? So I started to rebel in any way I could. Pushing that side of the family away, if I couldnt get good attention, I would get bad. I tried running away in the 6th grade but didnt get very far. Was told I was going to hell cause I like repties and they had forked tongues by my grandma. I listen to devils music. And people wonder why Im athest now. Where was I ? On yeah, My father is always looking for the big payoff and unable to have a real job, he lives basically paycheck to paycheck tring to live higher then he can afford. I can't be that way. Which is one reason I don't get drunk any more. I am tired of listeing to do as I say not as I do. I will got a place in oregon to get a piece of mind. With less peolpe, mountains & the ocean. More places to explore and be cloe to my neices & nephews. Since I wont have any kids of my own, I will have them.

Concerts

This year I have decided to goto a few concerts and get out. I just saw James Blunt & Sara Bareilles. That was a good show and could of done without a couple of people in the crowd. On March 4th I'm going to see Missy Higgins which is an indie rock from Austraila. May 21st I'm going to see The Cure with a friend of mine Tammy. I do like some of their stuff and liked em' on Korn Unplugged. So what the hell, after all how much longer can they come around. June 24 my brother & I are going to see Mark Knofler. He is on of my brothers favorite singers and I do like alot of his Dire Strits material. The Police are coming back to play Red Rocks but I have t see how much the tickets are for them before i decide if I'm willing to go.

Scary Stuff

The Associated Press said "On Oct.1, Medicare will stop payng hospitals for the care they must provide to treat eight preventable injuries: 1) Urinary-tract infections from using catheters. 2) Bloodstream infections from using catheters. 3) Falls. 4) Bedsores, or pressure ulcers. 5) Objects left in a patient during surgury. 6) Blood incompatibility, giving a dangerously wrong blood type. 7) Infection after heart surgery called mediastinitis. 8) Air embolism, an air bubble in a blood vessel."

As i was reading this, I was in shock with #5, is this really that common? I have heard of it happening 2 times but for medicare to bring that up, OMG how good of doctor is the person cutting you open and forgetting tools inside of you.

Lost Life

What is happening to our society these day? Another school shooting today and again the shooter takes the cowards way out. What ever happened to the days of none gun violence? I do believe in the right to bare arms, but we need keep guns under strictor guidelines. The news media doesn't help much with this .They basically help make the shooter famous and it auses copycats. Going out in a blaze of glory while destoring lives with emotional trauma. Maybe its our population being out of control but what can we do about that? Nothing. But we can be more aware of others around us, listen for little comments or cries of help. Lend and ear or shoulder, don't be so quick to judge. If you have an open mind you can see the signs of distress and seek help to prevent the violence that haunts our world these days. Just remember, if you don't, it could be your loved one next.

Love

This is an interesting subject. What really is love? How can we define Love? Some define it feelings towards a person, some use to get another into bed. Lets be honest, love is term that is overly used. I can honestly say I have never know true love, I thought i have but don't we all. How many relationships end cause the relationship get old and boring, where people just drift apart and lose interest in one another, lie to each other to hide their real feeling not wanting to hurt the other. In my case the woman I like usually don't have the same feeling for me and the ones who like me I don't have feelings for them. If I wanted to, I could have stayed with these woman and lived the lie. Kinda like my marriage. With tracy, We got along but she never had my heart, and we got married cause she placed a guilt trip on me after she lost the baby. But I never should of fell for it. My own fault.

I have learned though out the years that loves is a very rare thing. Rare as in spending your life with someone and never looking back with regreats or looking to stray into the arms of another. To wake up in the morning knowing that after all the trials you truly know you can still be happy. Someone you can live with and not live without. And know she feels the same way about you. Someone you can share things with, and play with, enjoy a movie and have several things in common that can keep a bond growing as we pass time together. I know every relationship has disagreement but we must be able to speak our minds, have abit of space to calm down, and over come those to become stronger. It ay be a pipedream but it has to exsist somewhere.

Also you have to be best of friends before all else. Many relationships are based upon sexuality or lust for one another, but once the sex slows to a crawl, what are you left with? Co-exsisting which leads to a downfall. 2 people who just pass each other in the hall rarly looking at each other.

Beginnings

Well here I sit, thinking about blogging, a plce where you can express yourself in thoughts and feelings one has. So here it will begin uncensored no holds barred.